Saying "No"

Sometimes saying “No” is okay.

My brain has been at a flatline all day today. I’m trying to do what my therapist told me and take things in steps I can handle until my brain takes up coherent thoughts again. But when I go to think about small steps of productive things I need to be doing, all I hear is static in my head that I don’t know how to turn off.

My last meeting of the year for Women in Leadership and Learning is today at 5, but unfortunately I can’t even think enough to stay there without panicking. So I’m here in a coffee shop, writing about my experience today and not sure where to go with it.

I have no doubt that people reading this don’t really care about what I personally am dealing with, but I know that self care is integral in any social action space. And I don’t mean the frilly parts of coloring intricate pictures or crafting (although coloring is helpful) - I mean saying no sometimes, even when/if it’s painful to do so.

This world is fucked up. There’s a lot that’s constantly there reminding you of how fucked up it is. Recently I’ve been having a lot of trouble with the anti semitism and the sexual assault allegations have been making my daily life a lot harder. Today being transgender day of remembrance has made my day a lot harder. So here is my advice as someone who is tired of being conscious in such a fucked up world.

Put yourself in a community that understands you - for me that’s usually the LGBTQ center on campus. Hole up for a little with a soft blanket and some tea in a quiet room. Remind yourself that by doing this, you’re taking control back from the people who take it from you daily. By letting yourself heal, you’re putting the ability to have power back in your own hands.

Now I’m about the worst person to preach this philosophy. I take on too many things and avoid all of my mental health to be able to get these things done. But I’m getting better. I’m starting to recognize that when I don’t want to do something, I don’t have to, and the world will not end. I rain check plans because I “got sick” when really I just want a few hours of quiet or more time to sleep.

There’s this idea that we always have to be doing as much as possible all the time, and to be honest it’s bullshit. I just finished being the most stressed out I’ve been all year, and it was absolutely awful. I took a break over the weekend, but I need more time to recover. I skipped a class I didn’t need to go to and I called sick to something else. Because my brain is at a flatline and needs some time to recover. And that’s okay.

It’s hard to recognize needing a break when you are constantly told that taking a break is a weakness. But you can’t take your power back in a fucked up world if you’re constantly trudging uphill without a paddle. You need healing to be able to take your power back.

So take a little time today and heal. Get some tea, color a little bit, and let your brain rest.

https://www.nationaleatingdisorders.org/blog/self-care-master-post-ideas-inspiration-more